Soundtrack of our lives
by GirlOnTour
Summary: Logan finds himself in a situation where love didn't seem to matter and all he cared about was himself until love happens. I decided to change the title of the story as this first was intended as a one shot but then it basically progressed.
1. The Last Time We Kiss

The last time we kiss

_It's so easy to go back to you,  
>That's what I do whenever I feel blue,<br>You see, for me this is not real,  
>I never think of how you feel,<em>

Logan sat on the couch as he flipped through his iphone contact list only to throw the phone back down. Seconds later he would repeat this action. He felt lonely. He just had gotten off a tour and soon he'd be back on the road. He had tried relationships but they would never last. It wasn't the lack of effort. He had tried over and over again. Every time he thought this was it, this was going to work out. But after a couple of months it was over. He tried to skype with his girlfriend, called but with time difference and distance against them but it always came down to the same thing. They always told him the same thing. "It's not that I don't love you, it's just that I can't deal with the situation." And he couldn't blame them at all. Every time she needed him, he wasn't there. Until two years ago he met a girl who didn't ask for much. He knew that she loved him more than he ever could love her. He hated himself for it but he knew she was there when he needed her, needed someone.

_I call you cuz I know you're there,  
>You'll meet me if I tell you where,<br>You see, for me this is just easy,  
>I never think of what might be,<em>

He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. His mind wandering back to all the times she had been there for him.

_It was a dark night. It was the dead of night and sleep wouldn't find him. He found himself on tour bus somewhere between Florida and Georgia, his next destination. He had turned on his laptop, logged onto Ichat but nobody was online, not that he could blame them seeing as it was past three am. Instinctively his hand found his phone and before he knew it he was dialing her number. _

"_Hey gorgeous," a sweet yet sleepy voice spoke on the phone._

"_Hey, I woke you up didn't I?" he asked as he ruffed his hand through his hair. _

"_Yeah, but it's okay. What's on your mind?" she asked suppressing a yawn._

"_I can't sleep and I miss you," he heard himself say. It was true in a way. He missed her but he missed the way she made him feel more.  
>"I miss you too. Do you want me to come see you?" she asked, her voice filled with love. <em>

"_It seems too much to ask," he softly said. _

"_Nothing you ask me is too much. When and where?" she asked. He could hear her shift in her bed. _

"_It seems too much to ask," he sighed. _

"_There's the thing, you didn't ask," she sighed as he could hear her type. _

"_What are you doing?" he asked. _

"_I'm looking for baby chickens... what do you think I'm looking for Logan? I'm checking the first flight to Atlanta," she replied. _

_A moment of silence was shared. She was in Los Angeles but in that moment she felt so close. _

"_Okay, I just booked my flight, Logan. I'll be in Atlanta at ten am," she informed him. _

"_I can't wait," he spoke. _

"_Neither can I, Logan," she said smiling. _

"_Okay, you'll text me as soon as you land?" he asked. _

"_I'll call you as soon as I touch down in Atlanta. See you in a few hours Logan," she said smiling. _

"_See you in a few hours," he said before he closed connection. _

_He shut down his laptop and made his way back to the bunks as silently as possible. He crawled inside his bunk, wrapped the covers around him and prayed that sleep would come soon. _

_He was woken up by the commotion on the bus. He grunted and finally made his way out of his bunk. _

"_People are trying to sleep," he said as he walked to the lounge area where James and Kendall were sitting. _

"_What's up with you?" James asked as he raised an eyebrow. _

"_Nothing, just couldn't sleep last night," Logan said shrugging. _

"_Were you on the phone last night?" Kendall asked before he sipped from his cup of tea. _

"_Yeah, I didn't wake you did I?" Logan asked. _

"_No. Were you on the phone with her?" Kendall asked._

"_Yeah so?" Logan asked. _

_Kendall just shook his head. He had been over this with Logan way too many times and it always resulted in arguments. Logan knew that the rest of the boys sided with Kendall on this one but he didn't care. It was what he wanted, what he needed and part of him knew they were right but he couldn't care less. _

"_You know how we feel," James pointed out.  
>"And you know where I stand on this matter," Logan said getting agitated with his friends knowing where this was leading. <em>

"What's up?" Carlos asked as he walked in the lounge area.

"Logan invited a guest," Kendall stated.

"You did it again?" Carlos asked shaking his head.

"Get off my back! At least I don't hook up with a random girl in every city!" he said raising his voice.

"Maybe you should," James muttered.

"What did you say?" Logan asked shooting a mean glare at James.

"Nothing," James replied as he got up and made his way to the bunk area.

The bus finally pulled up at their hotel and not a moment too soon either. The tension was high and Logan wanted time away from them. He was tired of their judgment, tired of forcing their opinions on him. They were his best friends, his brothers but they had no idea what he needed or what he wanted.

_Logan was settled in his hotel room and went straight to the shower. He leaned his head against the shower bar and let the water drip over his body. How was what he was doing any different from hooking up with a random girl every night? He wasn't going to let the guys' get in his head. Today was all about the fact that she was coming to town and they'd spent time together and he'd feel better. _

_Half an hour later, he heard his phone ring. He grabbed the towel, wrapped it around his waist and dried his hands before picking up the phone. He looked at himself in the mirror, his hair sticking to his face. _

"_I've landed," she said, her voice filled with happiness. _

"_Do you want me to come and get you?" he asked. _

"_No, I'm pretty sure by now, teen girls have found out where you're staying and you know how I feel about people knowing about me," she stated. _

_It was something they agreed on a long time ago. She wanted to stay out of the spotlights, she'd be anything he wanted her to be as long as fans didn't get wind of her._

"_Point taken. I'll text you the address," he said as he avoided looking himself in the eye. _

"_Perfect," she said all cheery. _

_He quickly texted her all the information before getting ready. Now the waiting game began. It's something he found quite exciting. He hadn't seen her in a while, not in real life anyway. There had been times that there was no way that she could make it, no matter how badly he had made it seem he wanted her there._

_An hour later there was a soft knock on the door and he instantly knew. His heart skipped a beat. He walked to the door and opened it and she was standing there smiling. As he had done many times before, he grabbed her hand and pulled her close. _

"_God, I've missed you," she whispered as she held him close, taking in his scent. _

"_I've missed you too," he replied as he held her tight before softly placing his lips on hers. _

_After their embrace broke, he grabbed her bag from her and placed it next to the bed. _

"_So wanna tell me whats up?" she asked as she sat on the bed. _

"_I just missed you, missed someone familiar," he spoke honestly. _

"_I'm here now, Logie, I'll always be here," she said comforting him. _

"_I know you will be," he said as he sat next to her. _

_He gazed deep into her hazel eyes, placed his hand on her cheek, cupping her face, rubbing his thumb over her cheek before leaning in for another kiss._

_And later on tonight I'll think of you,  
>And later on tonight there is something that I have to tell you,<em>

_My neck is wet from all your tears,  
>This has always been one of my fears,<br>You knew that it would turn to this,  
>This will be the last time we kiss,<br>You knew that it would come to this,  
>This will be the last time we kiss, <em>

He shook the memories out of his head. He couldn't deal with them anymore. He was no longer that person he was two years ago. He had seen the change in their relationship. She had been all he could ever wanted but he knew he had to end it. The more he thought of it, the more he knew it was the right thing to do. He had thought about it before, it wasn't a decision he made over night. He had felt like this for months now but he never had found the right moment, the right time.

He took a deep breath and grabbed his phone again, searched for her name and dialed the number.

"Hey stranger, I wondered when you were going to tell me you were back in town," she softly said.

"Can you come over?" he asked as he rubbed his eyes.

"I'll be there in ten minutes," she said.

"Of course you will," he thought. "Okay see you in ten," he replied. He was still fighting himself on this. He was still fighting the battle he had been fighting since the day they met.

The doorbell rang and he got up, buzzed in and opened the door slightly as he sat on the couch, back in the same spot he had been sitting all night.

She walked in the door, looking as beautiful as ever. Her long dark brown hair dangling around her shoulders.

"Hey gorgeous," she said as she closed the door behind her.

"Hey sweetie," he replied giving her a weak smile.

"Logan, what's going on?" she asked as she shoved her hands in her pockets.

"We have to talk," he said making himself look at her.

"I don't like the sound of this," she said softly.

"Just take a seat and hear me out okay?" he said as he patted on the seat next to him. She did as she was told, she always did.

"I've been thinking and doing some heavy soul searching the last couple of months," he started off.

"You are breaking up with me aren't you?" she asked flat out.

All he could do was look away. He couldn't bear to look at her. "Look at me Logan!" she demanded.

He slowly turned his head, facing her. "It's me, not you," he continued.

"Yeah and I've heard that bullshit before," she said as she got up.

"Don't leave," he pleaded. "Just hear me out!"

"Okay, go on," she said as she crossed her arms. He looked her in the eyes and the color had changed. He could see the fire of anger and hurt in her eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry. I really am, I really wish things were different. I love you, I do, but just not the way you want me to," he softly spoke.

"You think i'm stupid don't you? You think I didn't know? You think that I was delusional? I knew that some day it would come down to this. I just didn't think it would be now," she stated as her voice started to crack. "I've never asked you for anything Logan. I was happy with the way things were. I knew that you could never be there for me the way I wanted you to, that you would never love me the way I love you but I secretly hoped that it would be enough for you because it was enough for me. All I ever wanted was you and the times we've spend together, the moments we shared, it was enough!" she said now her voice filling with anger.

"But don't you see, that you deserve better than that? That you deserve someone who loves you more than life itself? Someone who is capable of loving you more than I ever could? Who would never take you for granted because I took you for granted, way too many times and you just let me! You were always there! You deserve the world and I feel horrible for letting you believe that this was what you deserved," he said shaking his head.

"You seriously still don't get it do you? It was enough for me because I love you. It was enough because I had you in my life and now you're telling me it's over? We're done?" she now said tears streaming down her face.

"It's not fair," he said as he stood up, moving a step closer to her.

"Don't! Don't do this!" she said as she backed away.

He grabbed her hand pulled her closer as she sobbed.

"I'm sorry, I am sooo sorry," he whispered. "You're a better person than I could ever be and that is why it has to end here and now," he continued.

Finally the tears had stopped coming, she pulled herself together and she hated herself for allowing herself to cry in his arms like that. She took a deep breath, held him for dear life before letting go. She sighed, trying to control her heart beat, her heart was now beating so fast she was sure it was going to jump out of her chest any moment now. She broke the hug, looked at him in silence for a brief moment as she was trying to grasp everything that just happened and tried to collect her thoughts.

She looked so sad and he knew what he had done. He knew she loved him but it wasn't until that very moment, the moment he had done what he did, that he realized just how much she did.

She ran her hand through her hair, looked at him as she bit her lip, carefully choosing the words in her mind, making sure that whatever she was gonna say was gonna hit home, made him perfectly clear that he had ended it and some day he was gonna regret it.

"You know Logan, I may not be perfect and yeah I am very flawed. I have skeletons in my closet and I regret many things. I have a lot of scars on my soul that will take a lifetime to heal and this is just another one of those scars. I don't regret a single moment of us and some day I'll be able to think back to those memories without them killing me slowly inside but that's the difference between you and I, Logan. Listen very careful to what I am about to say now because I want you to remember the words every time you think of me. One day you will realize what a good thing we had and I refuse to believe that everything between us is as you are downplaying it. I know you love me, more than you are capable of admitting for whatever reason it is. Whatever makes you fall asleep at night Logan. I know because I felt it in your touch, in your kiss, in everything and one day you are going to wake up realizing that you threw it all away and when that day comes Logan, don't think for a second that I'll come running back to you. Don't even think that when you pick up that phone and call me, I will come running. You will regret this, Logan, trust me!" she said her voice now as cold as ice. "This is goodbye Logan," she said as she turned on her heel and walked out of the door and out of his life.


	2. Best I Ever Had

**Best I Ever Had **

_Now I know I messed up bad  
>You were the best I ever had<br>I let you down in the worst way  
>It hurts me every single day<br>I'm dying to let you know_

Six months had passed since she had walked out the door and out of his life. There hadn't been a day that had gone by that the events of that night replayed in his mind. Luckily he found himself in a situation where his days were long so he could keep himself busy. He dreaded the nights now more than ever before. When his world had calmed down and he was alone with his thoughts. Everything she had said that night had come true.

He felt more alone than he ever thought he was capable off. His three best friends were there for him but he couldn't tell them how badly he thought he had fucked up. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her face and he missed her so bad. He hadn't realized until that night how much his heart was aching for her, how much he longed for her touch, how much he needed her near and now he had been stupid enough to mess it all up.

Kendall walked in the trailer where Logan was sitting. "What's on your mind?" he asked as he took a seat next to Logan.

"I fucked up?" he said shaking his head.

"Have you tried calling her?" Kendall offered.

"Yeah because she really is jumping for joy to hear from me," Logan said rolling his eyes.

"Just think about it, okay?" Kendall said as he placed his hand on Logan's shoulder.

"What am I suppose to say? You were right? I haven't stopped thinking about you since the day you walked away. I was an idiot for letting you walk away to begin with? And of all the things I miss about us is our friendship?" Logan rambled on as his voice filled with sadness.

"It could be a start," Kendall said sighing.

"I was a fool for walking away from something good," Logan went on.

"The last thing I want is for you to feel worse than you already do, but we all told you. I know you probably didn't mean for all of this to happen, the last thing you ever thought would happen is that you'd fall in love with her. If you really want her back, you'll have to proof to her that you've changed, that everything you guys shared wasn't a lie, that everything you downplayed meant more to you than you ever thought was possible," Kendall said as he threw Logan a weak smile.

"Kendall!" James said as the trailer door swung open.

"What's up?" Kendall asked.

"You're needed back on set," James said.

"You gonna be okay?" Kendall asked Logan as he nodded towards James, letting him know that he was on his way.

"Yeah, I will be," Logan said as he closed his eyes and rested his head against the couch.

"Did you tell him?" James asked Kendall as they were making their way to the set.

"No, I didn't," Kendall said shaking his head.

"Why didn't you?" James asked as he stopped in his tracks.

"I want to tell him so badly that she is coming to town but I promised her I wouldn't. If she wants him to know, she'll tell him," Kendall softly spoke.

"He is going to find out, you know," James said shaking his head.

"If you want him to know so badly, then you go and tell him. Look he broke her heart I have been hearing her cry over him for the last six months! She calls me because she doesn't have anyone else in her life!" Kendall said raising his voice.

"You are caught in the middle here Kendall but he is your best friend. I'm not saying that what he did was right, because it wasn't but he deserves to know. If you don't wanna tell him, then come up with a plan that they'll be in the same room. From the way it sounds they both have unresolved issues and they need to talk. Logan isn't a bad guy, he just messed up and I'm saying, if you were in his shoes, what would you want Logan to do?" James said as he walked off.

Back in the trailer Logan was pacing back and forth. There had been days like these before, days where he just wanted to pick up the phone, dial her number and hear the sound of her voice but he couldn't. He had promised her years ago he wasn't going to leave and that she could trust him.

The way he felt right now, he wished he could pack his bags, leave and head back to Los Angeles, see if he could find her. He had no idea where to start looking for her and he knew she wouldn't tell him where she was, not even if his life depended on it. He knew that he couldn't walk away from all of this but in this moment, it made sense. It didn't make him happy, it didn't bring him as much joy as it once did and it was pointless and it felt like it didn't matter. He knew he had to pull himself together.

Later that night, he went out for a walk. He didn't care much for the company of people. That's how he had felt since she had walked away. On his walk, rain started pouring from the skies and he hurried in the first place he could find. He took in his surroundings and he realized he was in a small bar. He walked to the bar, took a seat and ordered a beer.

"ID please?" an older woman asked.

He grabbed his wallet and showed her his drivers license. A few minutes later she came back and placed the beer in front of him. He clenched his fingers around his glass and took a sip.

_Now I'm here to say I'm sorry  
>And ask for a second chance<br>Cause when it all comes down to the end  
>I could sure use a friend<em>

A month had gone by and Logan's mood hadn't improved at all. In fact it had gotten worse as time went by.

Carlos walked in the room he and Logan shared. There was a do not disturb sign on the door and Logan lay sleeping in his bed.

"Logan! Wake up buddy! Let's go do something," Carlos offered.

"Go away, Carlos. I don't wanna go and DO something," Logan said as he pulled the covers over his head.

Flashes from the night before came back to him. He knew he had been in a bar downtown and enjoyed a couple of beers. He knew he spent some time in the bar but after that everything was pretty much a blur.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" Logan grunted.

"Did you get drunk last night?" Carlos asked as he smelled alcohol on Logan's breath.

"So what if I did? Don't act as if you don't get drunk once in a while!" Logan snapped.  
>"I do but I don't drink to forget!" Carlos snapped back.<p>

"What is it that you're saying Carlos? Say it!" Logan said raising his voice.

"I am just pointing out that you are drinking for the wrong reasons and before you know it you'll be an addict!" Carlos screamed.

"I have it under control! And it's not like I get drunk every night!" Logan yelled.

"No? When was the last time you actually had a good time when you were sober?" Carlos yelled.

"What the hell is going on?" Kendall yelled as he came rushing in the hotel room.

"Stay out of this Kendall!" Carlos yelled.

"Okay, this is getting out of hand. I'm getting James!" Kendall said as he walked out the room only to return ten minutes later with James in tow.

"What's going on?" James asked.

"It's Logan! He was drunk again last night!" Carlos screamed.

"You didn't leave your room last night! You didn't wanna come with us for drinks so you just drank here all by yourself? Sneaking around?" James yelled.

"James! Stay out of this! I went out for a walk last night and ended up in a bar, so what? I am FINE! So I drink, what's it to you? Does it decrease the quality of my performance? No it does not!" Logan shouted!

"You're just lying to yourself and you know it!" Carlos shouted.

Kendall remained silent watching his friends like this was killing him. This was ruining their friendship.

"STOP THIS!" Kendall finally shouted. "This has got to stop! Logan you have to stop drinking because it's not helping you. You're not getting her back by drinking. And Carlos shove him in a shower and have him downstairs in 15 minutes! Logan, you better be fucking sobered up when you get downstairs, better be in a less bitchy mood because I swear I will kill you if you fuck this up!"

The guys looked at him strangely. "James you're with me!" Kendall said as he left the hotel room before slamming the door shut.

"What are you going to do?" James asked.

"The one thing I promised her I wouldn't do. Bring him to her. He needs to deal with this, it's been seven months now. She needs to talk sense into him and he needs to talk to her."

"You know this might blow up in your face?" James asked.

"Very well aware but what its doing to us is not worth it!" Kendall stated.

Half an hour later, Carlos and Logan arrived in the lobby. Logan looked presentable and at least he looked sober.

"Where are we going?" he asked in a tone of voice that showed he didn't want to be there.

"How badly do you wanna see her?" Kendall asked.

"What are you talking about? And what kind of a question is that?" Logan asked getting annoyed.

"If you were able to see her now, do you know what you would say? Do?" Kendall asked.

"Yes! And I don't know what I'd do. What's with the 20 questions. If it's torture Logan day you can stop right now because I torture myself for the four of us!" he stated.

"Get in the car and don't make me regret this Logan!" Kendall said.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what game you're playing!" Logan said now seriously agitated by his friends behavior.

"We're going to see her! Now get your ass in this car!" Kendall said stern and firm.

There had only been a handful of times he had seen Kendall like this. Logan knew Kendall was serious and he had enough.

Logan looked over at James and Carlos who were just standing there.

"You guys are not coming?" Logan asked.

"No, we don't want to be accomplishes in a murder," James said as he back away.

The car ride started off in silence; both men sulking. "where the heck are we going?" Logan asked as he took in the scenery.

"I told you, we're going to see her," Kendall said calmly.

"We can't drive to L.A." Logan stated the obvious.

"That's not where we're going," Kendall said.

"Kendall fuck stop being so mysterious! Where the hell is she?" he asked.

"She's in town," Kendall stated, his eyes still focused on the road.

"When? How? What?" Logan blurted out.

"She got here three days ago. She's in town because of this convention at work," Kendall replied.

"How do you even know this?" Logan asked.

"I've been in touch with her since you guys, ..." Kendall said his voice trailing off.

"And when were you going to tell me this?" Logan asked now getting upset with his friend.

"I wasn't but then you started going down this road of self destruction and I cant let you do that. Be mad at me all you want Logan. I just had both of your best interests at heart," Kendall said as he turned left.

"Whatever Kendall!" Logan said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Get yourself together cuz we'll be there in five!" Kendall said shooting a glare at Logan.

Logan's breathing became heavier, his heart beat started rising and his palms were getting sweaty.

"I can't do this, Kendall," he said shaking his head.

"You can and you will!" Kendall said giving him a weak smile.

"What if she hates me?" Logan asked.

"She might, but you won't know until you've tried," Kendall spoke softly.

Kendall finally stopped the car and parked it. He unbuckled his seat belt and turned to Logan. "Look, I know I'm not your favorite person right now and I should've told you I was in touch with her but it would've hurt you more and I didn't want to do that. She needed someone Logan, someone who she could talk to in confidence. She doesn't have a lot of friends to her name and she doesn't know who she could trust. She kept the two of you a secret from everyone in her close environment Logan. She needed someone to vent to and I was there for her but I am your friend too. I know how hurt you both have been and you have to fix this Logan, or at least try to. Whatever happens I'll be here and I'll be there for her if she'll ever talk to me after this," Kendall sighed.

"She doesn't need to know you told me," Logan said.

"Yeah, start it off with lies and secrets. I'll deal with it, she knows that eventually I would've told her, it's not your battle to fight, it's mine," Kendall said. "Just fix this okay? Cuz I want old Logan back. The new one I don't like him so much," he added.

Logan took a deep breath.

"She's in room 1205, good luck and whatever you do, don't mess up!" Kendall said as he patted his friend on the shoulder.

"Thanks for the pep talk captain!" Logan said rolling his eyes.

"No problem bud! Go show her your charm!" Kendall stated.

Logan ran his hand through his hair and made his way to the hotel entrance. He walked in straight to the elevators. Nerves washed over him as he was impatiently for the elevator to arrive. This was it, the moment he had been waiting for, for months had now unexpectedly arrived. He had no idea what he would say and words didn't seem to come when otherwise they came so fairly easy.

He finally made it to the floor her hotel room was on. He was able to locate her hotel room and he stood in front of it, contemplating to knock. He wanted to see her, needed to see her, needed to be close to her but he knew she wouldn't want him there.

He took a deep breath, made a fist, ready to knock on the door only to walk away again. He paced back and forth and luckily the hallway was deserted otherwise people might think he was up to something.

As he finally gathered the courage to knock on the door, the door swung open and he found himself face to face with her. Her brown hair dangled in curls around her face. The smile on her face changed as she saw him.

"Logan...," she whispered before slamming the door shut.

"Here me out! Just listen to me! Give me a chance to tell you that I'm sorry!" he yelled as he rested his head against the door.

_So many things I would take back  
>You were the best I ever had<br>I don't blame you for hating me  
>I didn't mean to make you leave<em>

She slowly opened the door. "You have five minutes," she said as she crossed her arms.

"I haven't stopped thinking about what I've done and what an idiot I was. I'm sorry, Kayleigh, so sorry. Everything you've said that night, everything came true. I understand if you hate me and if I could take it all back I would. I didn't know how much you meant to me until I saw you walk out the door, I didn't get it until then, that I didn't want you to leave at all and I knew that I made the biggest mistake of my life. You were the best I ever had Kayleigh, what we shared, it was real so real. I was stupid and scared. I played it all down and I miss you more than I ever though was capable. I miss us, our friendship so much," he said shrugging.

"I wanna hate you Logan. I really really do. But tell me, how do I know you're being honest and real with me this time around? How do I know that I can trust you? I lost all faith in you, Logan. I trusted you with my heart and you threw it away like it never meant anything to you. I don't know if I can even be your friend right now," she said as a tear formed in her left eye.

_You and I were living like a love song  
>I feel so bad, I feel so bad that you're gone<br>Now I know you're the only one that I want  
>I want you back, I want you<em>

"Kayleigh, I know that I messed it all up and I let you down so badly. I get that now but you can't unremember all that we've been through, you said it yourself seven months ago, "it was real" and it was. I was just too stupid to see and to realize that without you I am nothing. We were sharing something special and I didn't want to see it, I don't know. All I know is that you're the best thing I ever had and you have to believe me, Kayleigh. Everything I valued important it doesn't matter anymore, it lost all sense and meaning the moment you walked out the door and I know that its my fault," He said as his voice started to break.

"It hasn't been easy for me Logan. You have any idea how hard it was walking away from you that night? Everything inside of me told me to hold onto you, to change your mind somehow some way to make you see what you were doing was wrong but I had to go. Because in that moment, in that moment, you broke my heart, even then, I still loved you and when I walked away I still loved you and now I..." she said as she stopped mid sentence to swallow hard.

_Now I'm here to say I'm sorry  
>And ask for a second chance<br>Cause when it all comes down to the end  
>I could sure use a friend<br>Now I'm here to say I'm sorry  
>And ask for a second chance<br>All I want to do is make it up to you  
>Cause when it all comes down to the end<br>You were the best I ever had_

"I am not here, Kayleigh, to tell you we should get back together I am just here to let you know that you were right, that I am a complete and utter mess without you and that I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you," he softly spoke.

"I don't find any comfort in knowing you're hurting as bad as I am. And I do miss our friendship too Logan, I just don't know, I just don't know if I am ready to let you back in my life," she said shaking her head.

_We fell in love for a reason  
>Now you're leaving<br>And I just want you back  
>So many things we believed in<br>Now you're leaving and words won't bring you back  
>I'll never let go of the heart I broke<em>

"I understand Kay, I do. I still don't think I deserve you in my life but know that if you're ever ready to let me back in, I'll be waiting. All I know is that you are the only truth I know, you're the road back home and as long as it takes, i'll wait for you because I know, that you're worth the wait. I'll proof to you, if you let me, that I can make all our dreams come true," he softly whispered as he looked her deep into the eyes.

"I have to think about all of this, Logan. I don't know if I can ever do what you're asking me to. I need time and I have to go now," she softly said before passing by him and walking away.

Logan felt defeated and fought tears that were coming.

"Logan," he heard her call out he looked up and she threw him a weak smile, "I'm sure that Kendall told you where I was and Kendall told me how you've been doing but you need to get your life back together Logan. Even if I do decide to let you back in, you have to get your shit together because I can't be there for you the way you want me to. I will no longer be the one to heal your scars and kiss your booboos. You have to heal yourself, do some heavy soul searching and in time we'll see where we are. Don't give up hope, Logan, maybe it isn't our time yet, maybe somewhere down the line, it is," she softly spoke before turning on her heel and walking away.

For some unexplainable reason this talk even though it hadn't gone as it had hoped had made him feel better. He slowly made his way back to the car where he had left Kendall. Once outside the hotel he turned around, glanced at the hotel one last time, sighed, closed his eyes and got in the car.

"How did it go?" Kendall asked.

"Not as I expected it, I didn't know what to expect but for now she made sense, everything she said, she made sense. She always did make sense. For now, this is enough," he said smiling weakly.

"Does that mean we get Logan back?" Kendall asked as he turned on the engine. **  
><span>****"Yeah, it just means that. He was just on a vacation, he's back, I promise," he said as he smiled at his friend. **


	3. Need you now

**Need You Now Lyrics**

_Picture perfect memories  
>Scattered all around the floor<br>Reaching for the phone 'cause  
>I can't fight it anymore<em>

Kayleigh sat in apartment on the floor looking at old photographs. She came across a stack of pictures that showed her and Logan. She swallowed hard but found it hard to put them away. A sad smile crept on her face as she traced his face with her thumb. Months had passed since she had seen him last in Vancouver. She still loved him and she hated herself for it. She wanted him in her life so badly. She missed him when she was sad, alone but most of all she wanted to share everything that had happened with him.

_And I wonder if I  
>Ever cross your mind<br>For me it happens all the time_

Since she walked out of his place nearly a year ago, she had fought the memories of him, she had fought the urge to call him, to admit to him she still needed him and tonight was one of those nights where she needed him more than ever. She wondered if he was still thinking of her, if she still crossed his mind because there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't cross hers.

_It's a quarter after one  
>I'm all alone<br>And I need you now  
>Said I wouldn't call<br>But I've lost all control  
>And I need you now<em>

_And I don't know how  
>I can do without<br>I just need you now_

She picked up her phone and dialed his number.

"Hello?" his voice spoke on the other side of the line.

"Logan, I know it's pretty late, ..." she started.

"Don't worry about it. What's going on?" he asked.

"I just really need you," she spoke softly.

The sadness in her voice was breaking his heart in a million pieces, it was tugging at his heart strings. "Where are you?" he asked.

"Home," she softly said.  
>"I'll be there in a heart beat," he said.<p>

_Another shot of whiskey  
>Can't stop looking at the door<br>Wishing you'd come sweeping  
>In the way you did before<em>

She closed her eyes as she clenched her hand around her glass of whiskey before drinking it ad fundum. She hated the taste of it but for right now it would numb the pain the fastest.

She kept a close eye on the door hoping he'd come rushing in fast. Right now, the past didn't matter, right now all that mattered was having him there. She wanted to feel safe, harbored and hear the worst you're safe now.

There was a knock on the door, she got up and tried to find her way to the door. She was already pretty intoxicated from the first couple of shots she had done. She opened the door and saw him standing there.

"Logan!" she said as she crashed in his arms as tears started streaming down her face.

"Kay, what's wrong?" he asked as he held her tight.

"everything," she sobbed.

"Please, just tell me?" Logan asked as he softly rubbed her back.

She looked up at him, tears still streaming down her face. He moved his right hand to her face and wiped away her tears. She placed her hand on his right hand that now cupped her face and kissed his hand.

Logan looked at her and he could see the burning fire in her eyes. He knew where this was leading.

"Kay, don't," he softly whisper.

"Why not?" she asked all of a sudden stepping away from him. "I've done this for you so many times!" she shouted as her voice filled with pain.

"I came here tonight because you wanted a friend, not a booty call!" Logan sighed.

"Fine!" she said as she walked over to where the bottle of whiskey was standing and poured herself another glass which she emptied rather quickly.

"Just tell me what's going on?" Logan attempted again.

"You're just like them anyway!" she shot at him.

"Like who?" he asked confused.

"MEN!" she shouted as she reached for the bottle again.

"You really shouldn't be doing that," he pointed at as he moved closer to where she was.

"HA! Look who is talking! Don't be a hypocrite!" she shouted at him.

"Just talk to me!" he said getting frustrated with Kayleigh.

"I don't wanna talk to you, you know what I want!" she stated "and don't act like you don't want it too. I can see it in your eyes," she pointed out bluntly.

"Do you have any idea how hard you're making this on me?" he sighed.

She moved closer to where he was, stood inches from his body so he could feel her body heath. She moved her head inches away from his ear as she ran her fingertips on his right arm and seductively whispered, "You know that I can actually show you one hell of a good time all you have to do is say yes. I can make you feel really good, I mean isn't that why you stuck with me? Isn't that why you kept calling me?"

Her voice sent shivers through his body, her warm breath on his neck was driving him crazy and her touch was sending electricity through his body.

"Kay, don't," he softly moaned.

"What's wrong Logan? There was a time you wouldn't have said no, heck there was a time that I didn't have to offer twice! Am I not sexy enough? Not beautiful enough? All of a sudden you don't want me anymore?" she asked hurt by his rejection.

"Oh Kay, you are so beautiful and so sexy. After all this time, you still take my breath away. Trust me, it's taking all that's inside of me to resist you," he said softly.

"Then why won't you have sex with me? Why won't you just have me! I'm yours for the taking!" She shouted.

"Because, it's not what you need right now. You told me last time we were face to face that you couldn't trust me, that you didn't know then if we could be friends and here I am proving to you that I'm capable of being a friend. If you really wanted just meaningless, you wouldn't have called me," he said gazing into her tearful hazel eyes.

A soft sigh escaped her lips as she shook her head and she made her way to the couch and sat down her back now turned to him.

Logan ran his hand through his hair and slowly walked to where she was sitting and took a seat next to her.

"Kay, look at me, please tell me what's going on. I'm here for you, I'll listen, I'll hold you, i'll do whatever you want me to do but …," he gently spoke.

"I know, I know. Anything but have sex with me," she said looking in the other direction.

He gently placed his hand on her arm. "Kay, just please, you know why I won't sleep with you and you should know by now that it's not because of the reasons you've put in that pretty head of yours. And if there's ever a moment that we're going to sleep together, I want it to be because we love each other, because we want to make love, not because we want to feel better about ourselves," he said softly, his voice nearly begging.

She softly turned her head, tears now streaming down her face. She took a deep breath hoping that she could make coherent sentences. "Remember, you asked," she said as she wiped her own tears away.

"I really thought that I had gotten over you but then six months ago, when I saw you standing there in the hotel hallway, all these feelings came rushing back, like they had never left. Once I got back home, I knew I had to get over you, I had to get out there and forget you. Three months ago, I met this guy Jake. In the beginning he was pretty much everything I could've asked for. He was so nice, so understanding, such a gentleman and he knew I just gotten out of a relationship and I wanted to take it slow. Until last night, he came over and he wanted more but I wasn't ready so I told him that I wasn't ready yet. This time I wasn't going to rush into sex and he didn't seem to understand," she said as her voice chocked up. "He knew about you and I and all of a sudden out of the blue he started this rant," she said her voice now slowly filling with anger, the same anger she started to feel in the pit of her stomach. "He called me a whore and he said that the reason why men left me was because they soon realized what a fat, ugly whore I was. He said my step-dad had been right about me all along and it didn't make sense because I don't talk about him and it turned out that he knew him and Jake said that I would never be more than just a slut, I would never rise up to be anything," she said as tears ran down her face.

Logan sat next to her, listening as she continued her story. He gently placed his hand on hers and gently squeezed it. Seeing her like this was breaking his heart.

"I never told you or anyone but my step-dad was really abusive when I was younger. My mom passed away from cancer when I was seven years old and he pretty much blamed me for her illness and her passing. Instead of dealing with it, he used me as his way of venting. He said I was the reason she had cancer in the first place, that the reason my dad left was because of me and from time to time he would hit me. By the time I was fourteen, I was done with it and I ran away from home to my aunt's in Kansas," she said closing her eyes, bit her bottom lip as memories came rushing back.

"you know what she did?" Kay asked as she left out a small chuckle.

"She called my step-dad and told him I was there. He came and got me and trust me, I never dared to ran away again until I was eighteen and I left and I never looked back but now he's in L.A. I don't know how long he's been here but he knows where I live, Logan. He came over an hour after Jake left, so I'm pretty sure Jake finally told him where I lived. And he said that it wasn't over, I could run but I couldn't hide. No matter where I would go he would come find me because after I left apparently the cops swung by his house and accused him of being an abusive man and said that they'd be keeping a close eye on him from now on. He said that I ruined his life and he was gonna ruin mine now. He said that he would tell everyone where I work that I was a slut and I shouldn't be trusted," she said looking at him and shrugged.

"Come here," he said, extending his right arm and she moved closer to where he was and he wrapped his arm around her, holding her tight.

"Listen to me, he's a jerk and he won't come near you. We will figure it out, I promise you. I'll be here, always. And what he said, those are just words and I know that they're tearing you apart and you believe them but he doesn't matter, he no longer matters, what people think of you, who love you," he said putting emphasis on the word "love", that's what matters and I simply think the world of you and I know some other people who think highly of you. You make the world a better place by just being in it and I know that things didn't work out between us mainly because I was stupid enough to let you go but knowing you are out there breathing is so wonderful. You've set the bar high for the next girl to come along. I didn't always show you how much I appreciated you back then, but you never left my mind, you are amazing. You're a great friend, you always put others' needs before yours and I know that I can live without you, I just don't want to because I need someone like you in my life, someone to keep me grounded."

"Oh Logan," she said as she wrapped her arms around him and cried.

"It's all going to be alright," he said as he held her close.

He held her for what seemed forever but he didn't mind at all. On the way to her place, he wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not. And during the events of the night he was sure at some point that it would go sour but right now in this moment it was good. She felt safe and in that moment, that was all that mattered.

After some time he felt that she had stopped sobbing and her body had become calm and her breathing became steadier.

"Kay?" he softly whispered but he didn't get a response. He heard a soft snore and he knew she had fallen asleep in his arms. He slowly picked her up, gently as if he was carrying something so fragile it could break in a million pieces if he held it too tight.

He slowly walked to the bedroom, opened the door softly and walked over to her bed, placing her gently on the bed. He looked down at her and smiled, she looked so beautiful as the moonlight shone on her face. She looked so peaceful.

"Sweet dreams. Tomorrow's a new day, a new beginning," he whispered as he gently touched her face. He turned around and started walking to the living room.

"Logan?" a faint voice asked.

"Right here, sweetie," he said as he turned on his heel.

"Stay with me?" she asked.

He hesitated for a second, sighed softly and walked to the other side of the bed, kicked off his shoes and laid down. She turned around, shifted closer and snuggled up to him as she fell back asleep. He looked down at her, smiled, wrapped his arms around her, closed his eyes and drifted to sleep himself.


	4. Last night

Last night 

_Last night, can't remember.  
>What happened? Did it happen? Last night <em>

Kayleigh grunted as she slowly started to wake up and every sound seemed at least three times louder. Her head was pounding and she could still taste the whiskey from last night.

Her bedroom door was slightly opened and last night was pretty much a blur. The smell of coffee, eggs and bacon filled the air making her stomach turn.

She tried to recall last night events. She remembered sitting in her living room with whiskey as her companion for the night. She tried to sit up and the world started spinning. "Oh god, I didn't drink that much, did I?" she muttered to herself

She laid back down on the pillow and out of the corner of her eye she saw that the other side of the bed was slept on.

Her eyes shut open widely and she started panicking in her mind. "Okay let's go over this," she thought, "I am still wearing my attire from last night, there is commotion in the kitchen... Who the hell did I call? Or what happened?"

The door swung open and Logan walked in the door, coffee in both hands.

"Good morning sunshine!" He said as he walked over to her side.

"Logan?" she softly said.

"Hangover?" he asked chuckling as he handed her coffee.

"Shut up! So I am trying to piece the night together …" She started off.

"Nothing weird or awkward happened," he said throwing her a sweet smile.

"Right," she said as she squinted her eyes.

"I'm gonna put your coffee here, you should get a shower to wake up, breakfast is ready but I have to go. I have to meet Kendall in an hour. If you need anything, just call," he said as he placed the coffee on her nightstand.

"Yeah, thanks," she said her head still very foggy.

"See ya," he said as he turned on his heel and left. She heard the front door close and she grunted again.

She dragged herself out of bed and into the bathroom. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, "Okay, it's official, I am never drinking again!" she said to her reflection.

An hour later she felt better. The shower had definitely sobered herself up and she had managed to eat some of the breakfast Logan left for her. She was playing with her food as she tried to recall last night's events.

Frustrated that she drew a black she decided to get some work done. She grabbed one of the many manuscripts laying on her desk and sat down on the couch as she started to read it through. It was from an aspiring writer Stephen McKnight and it was called "Portal to Alternate Worlds."

_It's starting to get dark outside, I'm finally awake.  
>I'm feeling kind of guilty. Is there something I can take? I'm piecing it together.<br>There's things I can't explain, cause my brain don't work that way. _

She finally put the manuscript down after reading it for hours. She was halfway through it. As she looked outside, night was slowly falling over the City of Angels.

She needed fresh air badly. She grabbed her purse and headed down to the Santa Monica pier. The soft breeze danced along her face and the sound of the waves calmed her down. She headed closer to the beach and sat down as she listened to the waves crashing to the shore.

There was a weird feeling she couldn't shake, all day she had been feeling guilty about something. But nothing had happened that could make her feel that way because Logan said nothing happened... Just like the waves that were crashing the shore, memories from the night before came crashing down.

"_You know that I can actually show you one hell of a good time all you have to do is say yes. I can make you feel really good, I mean isn't that why you stuck with me? Isn't that why you kept calling me?" _

_Her voice sent shivers through his body, her warm breath on his neck was driving him crazy and her touch was sending electricity through his body. _

"_Kay, don't," he softly moaned. _

"_What's wrong Logan? There was a time you wouldn't have said no, heck there was a time that I didn't have to offer twice! Am I not sexy enough? Not beautiful enough? All of a sudden you don't want me anymore?" she asked hurt by his rejection. _

"_Oh Kay, you are so beautiful and so sexy. After all this time, you still take my breath away. Trust me, it's taking all that's inside of me to resist you," he said softly. _

"_Then why won't you have sex with me? Why won't you just have me! I'm yours for the taking!" She shouted."_

Slowly but surely the entire night was clear in her mind. Everything she had said, done, everything Logan had said and done. Guilt now changed for anger as she shot up.

"That son of a bitch!" she muttered to herself. She had no idea why she was so angry. Truth was if he had told her what had happened she would've been embarrassed but at least she knew the truth. The problem was that HE had lied!

She grabbed her phone, took a deep breath and dialed Logan's number.

"Kay, what's up?" he asked sweetly.

"Nothing too much, where are you?" she asked trying to disguise the angry tone in her voice.

"Still at Kendall's," he replied, "oh Kendall says you can swing by if you want."

"I'm on my way," she said as she hung up before Logan could say anything else.

Luckily Kendall's place wasn't too far from where she was. It was pretty much in walking distance.

On the way to Kendall's she had a fight in her mind trying to reason why Logan did what he did.

She sighed in frustration. She was perfectly fine with thinking nothing awkward and weird had happened! She freaking THREW herself at him and he said it was nothing awkward.

She found herself in Kendall's street, with each step she took she got more nervous. She had no idea how to feel anymore, angry or ashamed. Either way she was going to clear this up tonight and then make a decision. She had to admit to herself that she kind of liked the idea of having Logan back in her life. She sure had missed him. Thinking back to everything that had come and gone, he had been a constant in her life, he had been the only truth she knew even if she didn't want to admit that to him.

She rang the doorbell and the seconds she waited, seemed to go on forever. The door swung open and Kendall stood in front of her.

"Hey Kay!" he said cheery.

"Hey Ken! What's going on?" she asked.

"Not too much, just jamming, chilling," he said shrugging.

"Can you get ..." she asked.

"LOGAN!" Kendall shouted turning his head in the house. "Wanna come in?" he asked.

"Later, maybe," she said shrugging.

"Okay, he'll be out soon," Kendall said as he smiled at her and turned on his heel leaving the front door open.

She slowly turned around, let out a deep sigh as she started pacing back and forth.

"Hey," he said as he walked out the door, hands shoved in his pockets.

"Hey," she said totally caught off guard.

"What's up?" he asked.

"You lied to me," she said as she crossed her arms.

"About what?" he asked.

"Don't act innocent. Last night?" she said feeling the anger boil.

"What was I suppose to say? Oh yeah, last night you pretty much threw yourself at me?" he said slightly raising his voice.

"Let me quote you "Nothing awkward or weird" happened last night," she said as she put air quotes around "Nothing awkward or weird happened last night".

"You were drunk!" he stated matter-of-factly.

"And that makes it okay?" she yelled.

"Look, if you wanna find another reason to push me away, FINE! But Kay, you called ME! And if I remember correctly, you've become pretty good friends with Kendall too. So exactly why did you call me? And not Kendall?" he shouted.

"Why the hell are you dragging him into this?" she yelled.

"Because, you just won't admit that you want me in your life. You easily could've called Kendall, poured your heart out to him, like you did when I ended it! But no, you called me! Can't you just admit just once, that you need me as much as I need you? That you miss me as much as I miss you?"

"You got it so wrong!" she shouted as she shook her head.

"Whatever Kay, you are making it so fucking hard, you know that? Make up your damn mind! Yes, I did you wrong but how long are you gonna keep punishing me for it? You say you don't want me in your life but the second you feel lonely and depressed you call me! I fucked up, I know that because you won't let me forget that I did! And in all honesty I deserve better than that! So if you will excuse me, this fight is over because I had enough!" Logan said as he turned around leaving Kay dumbfounded and slammed the door shut.

Kay sighed, turned around and started walking away as she heard the door open.

"Kay! Wait up!" Kendall's voice said.

She slowly turned around, threw her hands up as she shrugged. "Wanna talk about it?" he asked.

"What is there left to say really?" she said shaking her head.

"Look, I don't know what happened last night and I don't need to know but Logan just came in the house and whatever it is you said, it upset him. Look, he is no longer the douche bag from years ago. He has changed and I know you don't want to see that or admit to that but you know he has. I keep watching the both of you going through the motions, dancing around each other and be too afraid to give into something that could be so good. The both of you need to make up your minds, either you are in each other's lives or you are not. It's pretty simple. But Kay, everyone deserves a second chance and whatever went on last night, Logan has kept it to himself, for what that's worth," Kendall said firm.

"Ken, he is right you know, I miss him so much and I need him more than I'm willing to tell him but what am I suppose to do? Tell him, after all that has said and done I am still in love with you? I still think about you every day? I wish we were still together?" she asked shaking her head.

"Look, Kay, everyone fucks up once in a while. I think you've let him pay enough for it. It's time to forgive him. Just give him another chance. Do you really want to wonder the rest of your life what if? Maybe just maybe, Logan is what you need and you are what he needs. In the year that has gone by, he hasn't been on a single date. It's you he wants, it's you who he is waiting for. I'm not judging but it's time that you guys made a decision and stuck to it," Kendall said as he gently placed his hand on her arm.

"After this, I doubt he'll ever talk to me again. But thanks, Kendall, for still being my friend. I just am so scared," she said as a tear rolled down her cheek.

He pulled her closer, wrapped his arms around her and whispered softly, "So is he. He is so scared to do something or say something that will make you push him away again. You and I both know that even then he cared and he still does."

"I just don't know why he wants to be with me so badly. He can have anyone in the world," she softly sobbed against his chest.

"He wants you. He sees all that is good and beautiful in you, just believe that what he says is the truth. Tell him how you feel, hear what he has to say, you guys will figure it out," Kendall said as he gently rubbed her back.

"What if he doesn't like what I have to say?" she said as she looked up at him.

"It'll all work itself out, I promise, just be honest," Kendall said giving her a weak smile.

Their hug broke. "You wanna come in?" Kendall asked.

She shook her head. "I'll be at the Santa Monica Pier. If he wants to talk to me, tell him to come see me there," she said sighing.

"I'll pass along the message," Kendall said as she turned to her heel and started walking away.


	5. The One You Love

The One You love

_When you're on top of the world  
>and when it's got you down<br>when you're flying through the air  
>or when you're crashing to the ground<br>When you're searching for the light  
>And it's nowhere to be found<br>Come find me baby_

_I don't wanna be the strings  
>That ever tie you down<br>I will never be the broken wings that keep you on the ground  
>But when we start to sing I'll be the sound.<br>Just let me baby._

Logan sat on the couch, lost in thoughts as Kendall reappeared in the living room. He sat down next to Logan.

"Wanna talk about it?" Kendall asked.

"I'm done talking," Logan sighed.  
>"I went to talk to her," Kendall confessed.<br>"Why?" Logan asked shrugging.  
>"Because the both of you are idiots. You should stop dancing around everything. Just be straight forward, tell each other what you want!" Kendall said as he gave Logan a weak smile.<p>

"Like I haven't done that? Like she is willing to do that? She is driving me crazy! One moment she wants me in her life, the next she is so impossible and pushing me back out and i'm done," Logan stated.

"Look, if you're done, at least go and tell her that. She said she was gonna go to Santa Monica Pier. If you wanna talk to her, go meet her there," Kendall said shrugging.

"Why am I always the one giving in?" Logan sighed.  
>"Because you love her, simple as that, my friend. You know you can handle her at her worst, she's just scared," Kendall said. "Look, you don't have to go, I just don't want you to regret it all tomorrow."<p>

Logan sighed softly as Kendall got up and walked back to where had left his guitar. The loud chattering was driving Logan crazy. He needed to be able to breath, think, just get away.

He got up, looked over to where Kendall was. Kendall met his eyes and nodded, knowing that Logan was leaving. Kendall sighed, hoping that it would all work itself out.

Logan started walking as he allowed his mind to run freely. He wasn't sure if going to see her right now would be any good, if it was the smartest thing to do, maybe he just loved the pain she caused him.

He arrived at the beach and started walking. In the near distance he saw a small figure sitting in the sand. She was starring out on the ocean, arms wrapped around her knees. He shook his head. She looked so broken, so fragile and all he wanted to do was hold her and fix her because he loved her, it was just that simple. Just like Kendall had stated.

He walked over to where she was and sat down in silence. He, just like her, found the sound of the waves crashing to shore calming.

Out of the corners of his eyes, he saw Kayleigh look at him then turning her gaze back on the ocean. The silence between them, for some reason, wasn't as awkward as he thought it would be. In fact, it felt nice. For all he knew, it might have been the last time it would be like this.

_I only wanna be the one you love  
>I only wanna be the one you want<br>Come and get me baby  
>Let me loose inside your soul<br>I only wanna be your every need  
>I wanna be the girl in all your dreams.<br>I'll do anything to be the one you love_

_baby you can tell me anything  
>all the secrets of your heart<br>Of you could look inside of me  
>You'd see how beautiful you are<br>I wanna show you everything  
>each and every part is yours<br>Just tell me_

"I'm sorry," she said, "I overreacted but when it comes to you, it's different. I know that if it had been indeed Kendall last night, had it all played out the way it did, with anyone but you, I probably wouldn't have made such a big deal out of it."

"Why am I different then any other guy?" he asked softly.

"I don't know. I've been wrecking my brain and I don't know. I am in constant conflict," she confessed.

"When are you going to stop over analyzing and just listen to what's in your heart?" he asked as he gently placed her hand on his chest.

"You wanna know what is in my heart?" she asked biting her bottom lip.

"Yes, tell me honestly, truthfully, what you feel, think and want," he said sighing.

"When you said you were done, I was sure it was over, for real," she said shaking her head.

"I can't walk away from you," he muttered, "but I can't keep doing this either." It was his turn to confess.

"I can't either," she said as she gazed back out on the ocean. Logan knew she was carefully choosing her words. She turned to face him, sighed and spoke softly, "Before I met you, my life didn't make sense. I was lost and I was trying to find my place in the world and then you walked in my life. Remember where exactly we first met?" she asked. He nodded, he knew, they had met here on the pier one night.

"I remember," he said smiling. "I couldn't sleep, went for a walk and I found you here," he recalled.

"Yeah, that night pretty much changed everything. After that night, my life started making sense, I discovered that everything I had spent my life searching for, I could find it in you. I never planned on falling so hard, so fast for you Logan but I did. Part of me always knew your intentions at first, but I didn't mind at all because in my mind what we had was real and it was home to me. It was something I never knew and never felt. You showed me a whole new world," she said as she cupped his face with her hand.

"I know I am not the easiest to deal with and I know that my insecurities get the best of me but on top of all that I am so scared because you were the first one in a long time I let in. You pretty much had me at hello, you tore down the wall that I spent my entire life building and when it ended, I was so lost, so hurt and I didn't want to feel like that ever again. But I couldn't forget about you, Logan. No matter how hard I tried, everything reminded me of you, of us, of how we good we were together. And I just keep pushing you away because I want to see if you are sticking around and you are. You easily could've slept with me last night, asked what I wanted you to do but you didn't. And I want to put all my trust in you again, believe me I do, because the past year I have realized that I want you in my life. I need you in my life because I do love you still, after all we've been through, I still love you so much and there isn't anything in this world I wouldn't do for you. I need you so much and all these feelings that I have for you are scaring me because I didn't know what love really was until you came along," she spoke as she rubbed her thumb against his cheek.

"I am just as scared as you are because somewhere down the line, what we were changed. I wasn't looking for love and I didn't think it would happen but it did. Somewhere down the line I did fall in love with you and I was too stubborn, too stupid and too egocentric to admit that without you I am nothing and when I realized that, it was too late," he said as he pushed a piece of hair out of her face.

"Do you believe in true love, Logan?" she softly asked.

"I didn't for the longest time but I do now. I don't want any other girl, I want you. Even though at times you are driving me absolutely insane. But since this crazy thing started you were the only constant in my life, you were the only thing that made sense and I wish that I could turn back time and undo what I did but I can't. All I can ask for is that you give me another chance so I can proof to you that I am a changed man and all it took was losing you. I want us to try this again, no games, no playing, no lies, but honestly and truthfully," he said as he gazed deep in her eyes.

"How do I know that you won't break my heart again?" she asked as she leaned in closer.

"Because I promise you that I will do whatever I can to protect, harbor and love you for as long as you let me, for as long as you'll have me and if it's up to me, forever," he softly whispered inches from her lips. "Take that chance, take that chance on me, I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that you made the right choice."

"I'm so tired of running away, so tired of pushing you away. I can't do this anymore Logan, I need you so much," she said as she looked away from him.

"Then don't," he said as he lifted her chin up with his finger.

"I love you Logan," she said softly.

"I love you too, more than you will ever know," he said as he kissed her softly.

"Promise me, you'll never leave," she said as their kiss broke. He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her close and whispered "I promise."

They both remained at the beach until the sun started to set, talking about the future and getting to know each other all over again.


End file.
